Bioshock Infinite Delayed Indefinitely

"Duke Nukem Forever took 15 years to develop and publish," said Ken Levine - Bioshock Infinite’s lead designer - during a recent interview, "and as we all know, Infinity is a helluva lot longer than forever. So it’s definitely going to take at least 15 more years."

Call of Duty: Blackier Ops Announced

Only days after Call of Duty: Black Ops 2 was announced, publisher Activision Blizzard has revealed (in another stunning move) a sequel to the unreleased game is already in the works. It is scheduled to be released a mere three months after Black Ops 2. 

"I mean, people thought we couldn’t release a new Call of Duty game every year and maintain any sense of quality or innovation. I think it’s safe to say that by the piles of money we’re making, we’re doing just alright" stated Bobby Kotick, CEO Activision Blizzard, at a press conference announcing the game.

Kotick then went on to add that Activision Blizzard plans on releasing a new Call of Duty game four times a year in a move he says, “will only bring more quality and innovation to the entire industry… quality and innovation of course being my nicknames for profits and bags of money.”

Alan Wake Director’s Cut Announced

Today, Remedy Entertainment and Microsoft Game Studios announced that they will be releasing a director’s cut to the original Alan Wake. The new title will integrate similar gameplay mechanics of Alan Wake: American Nightmare. “The one comment we kept getting over and over again from our fans was how much they liked replaying the same game three times just to get to the final ending of American Nightmare,” remarked chief writer Sam Lake, “In Alan Wake Director’s Cut we’ve decided to extend this vision into the original game. No longer can you get to the ending in a single playthrough - you’ll have to go through the entire game at least five times in order to reach the end. Also, just like in American Nightmare, not all of the weapons and enemies in the game will be available your first time through.”

It is still unknown if the director’s cut will also feature a single player survival mode as did American Nightmare. “Surprisingly, the feedback wasn’t so good on that. A lot of people said that a cooperative mode should have been included and that playing by yourself was just dumb, but obviously I don’t think that was the issue. I mean I’m the genius here. I think we’ll just tweak it so it becomes more repetitive. Then maybe the players will get my vision, you know?”

Alan Wake: The Director’s Cut will be available on the Xbox Live Arcade later this year for three payments of $13.33.

Duke Nukem Forever took 15 years to develop and publish, and as we all know, Infinity is a helluva lot longer than forever. So it’s definitely going to take at least 15 more years.
Datura Creator: “Control’s Suck When Sober”

Datura, the latest PSN exclusive from Sony Computer Entertainment and developer Plastic, has been widely celebrated for its unique perspective, excellent visuals, and eerie soundtrack. However, critics have also largely panned its terrible controls. Today, Datura’s game director, Michal Staniszewski, spoke up in defense of the motion controlled gameplay, “the controls really went over well with all our test groups and internally.” Asked by GamesGo why he thinks the greater public opposes the controls he continued “I don’t think people get the point. I mean the game is called Datura, and is basically all one big trip. It’s also only about 90 minutes long; come on, do I have to spell this out for you?” At this point Staniszewski revealed the facts to GamesGo, “The controls suck when sober; but on datura? They’re the tits! We gave all our testers the proper amount of datura and we couldn’t get them to leave. All I’m saying is, don’t knock it ‘til you try it.” During the same interview, Staniszewski later admitted that originally the game was going to be packaged with the proper amounts of datura to be ingested while playing. However, he said that Sony nixed that idea. “Next time I’m making games for Nintendo, I know they’d be all for this shit. I mean have you ever played Mario? Look at all those crazy shrooms.”

You know a lot of people assume I pick up and move all those dead bodies so that I won’t get caught, but really it’s just a great workout. There’s no feeling better than the deep burn you get while carrying around a dead body or two.
Frustrated Player Inspires C.R.A.P. System for 2013

After the New York Knicks demoralizing game 2 playoff loss to the Miami Heat, Knicks forward Amare Stoudemire punched through the glass case covering an fire extinguishers resulting in lacerations on his left hand. According to a league source with knowledge of the incident, “[Amare] was just frustrated.”

While Stoudemire’s actions have drawn the ire of Knicks fans everywhere there is some solace. Today, 2K Sports has announced that they will be adding a “frustrated player” action to every one of their 2K13 titles. A 2K Sports spokesman related “Amare’s actions really inspired us. We had been looking to improve the gaming experience and I think we have found that with our Custom Rendered Aggravated Player system.”

C.R.A.P. promises to give players the ability to so frustrate an opposing player that they will promptly injure themselves after the game in some embarrassing way like tripping over a gym bag or trying to fight a raccoon. Players can frustrate opponents in a number of ways all of which are yet to be uncovered. Be warned however, “opposing players, computer controlled or otherwise, can also cause your players to injure themselves if they become too frustrated,” the 2K Sports spokesman continued.

Look for 2K’s C.R.A.P system to be included in NBA 2K13, Major League Baseball 2K13, and NHL 2K13 (back from its year hiatus).

Halo 4 is going to completely revolutionize the Halo series in ways you never thought possible! That’s why we decided to use a modified version of the Reach engine instead of, ya know, building a game from scratch.
May Blockbuster—The Avengers—Spawns Videogame

It’s not uncommon for summer blockbusters to inspire videogame publishers (we’re looking at you THQ) to create videogame reproductions for faithful fans to play. Occasionally these games will deftly try to recreate the movie by using clips, actors, and even have players play exact action sequences from the movie itself. Typically, this doesn’t work and the game, well, just sucks. Recently, it has been announced that this summer’s first blockbuster, The Avengers, has inspired publisher THQ to create a game based upon the movie. Currently negotiations are still ongoing, but rumors have leaked to GamesGo that a copy of the finalized The Avengers: The Movie storyboard has been passed along to renowned Halo series writer Eric Nylund. GamesGo has also learned that Mr. Nylund has completed his initial draft of his The Avengers: The Movie: The Game novel and sent it back to THQ for review. We emailed THQ for further details and received this back from their PR department:

While THQ cannot at this time verify these rumors, we can say that we are very happy to be working with Mr. Nylund. His book The Avengers: The Movie: The Game was so powerful, and well good, that we are currently in negotiations to publish another videogame based on his novel which is of course based on our videogame, which was based on Marvel’s great movie, The Avengers. This newest game will be titled The Avengers: The Movie: The Game: The Novel and is expected to have a fall 2013 release.

After receiving that email, we received a further email from THQ’s legal department which read:

Our PR department fucked up. The previous email should have just read we cannot verify these rumors at this time. If you leak all the other stuff we will sue you, and if the ensuing court battle is entertaining enough will most certainly make a game based on these events titled The Suing: Fuck You, PR Department.

So to recap, The Avengers, Marvel’s latest summer movie based off of Marvel’s widely popular The Avengers comic book series has spawned its very own videogame titled The Avengers: The Movie. This videogame inspired the creation of a novel (The Avengers: The Movie: The Game), which then inspired another videogame (The Avengers: The Movie: The Game: The Novel). So if you didn’t get enough of The Avengers in the theater, you have two videogames and one novel to look forward to which will cover the same exact plot.